Saturday, November 24, 2012
I can tell that we are gonna be friends
We’ve all been in love. Or thought we were in love. Lost love. Loved again.
I understand it feels different every time, because no love you have for one person can be the same as the next, because everyone is so different. But, when you have lost, and you feel something different…something you’ve never felt before…how do you know if that does or doesn’t mean something more?
What I’m getting at is, when your ex dumped you, you thought you’d never love again and it hurt more than anything. You couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else, or ever letting someone get to know you. Having sex with someone else seemed like the most disgusting thought ever. As time went on though, you found those feelings even stronger for someone else, and that horrible time you could pretend never even happened.
Right?
So, next time, when someone dumps you, and you have those same feelings, but even stronger, how do you know you will be ok again? What if this person was the person you are meant to be with? Will you end up with them if you do not fight for it? What if they haven’t realized that this is the right thing? What if they are your soul mate but you aren’t theirs? What if the games people play of not contacting each other, avoiding everything, doesn’t work? What if they don’t realize what they lost and come running back? How much time to you wait? Hold on to that great big love.
What if it really does feel different this time, what if it is so different this time?
Then what the fuck happens?!
No one has any comforting kind words for THAT. Makes no sense to me.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
draft#1 suck it 25
The worst advice I've ever received:
If you don't know what to do, do nothing.
This is fucking impossible.
If you feel so strongly about something, that your veins pump it, and all you hear is that echo of your voice inside your head talking about it over and over and over and over...how do you do nothing?
How does your stomach not churn? How do you find pleasure in all the other things going on around you, if all you can focus on is this one thing?
I guess being an "adult" means you just are able to do it. Do nothing, that is. But, seriously? All I can do is throw a temper tantrum and revert back to being a dumb, over emotional, irrational, dramatic teenager.
I find that 25 is a lot like 15.
You become super insecure about your look, because you can't have jet black hair and hot pink pumps with some shitty dress you found at the Salvation Army on, that doesnt get you the professional high paying job you'd like. It also does not attract the investment banker, lawyer, or CEO you hope to attract to fuel your spending habbit someday. So, you wear the "right" and "appropriate" things, know the latest news to chat about, and you're so fucking misplaced and miserable! Which only leads to more insecurity, doubt (I mean jesus, what the hell are you doing with your life?), and you chose the only way out that you know of; go out and put your shitty used clothes on, grab a PBR at the dive bar where people your age are still listening to HATEBREED. You feel satisfied for the moment, even the week. You meet some cool new friends and decide you found your place again, your place in the past where hangovers are cool, and being thin because you're too hungover to eat is hot.
The only difference is, when you were 15...this DID actually make you cool.
Now, it just plain sucks.
So, should we do nothing? Or chose the other choice, the opposite of what we know, the most uncomfortable choice of all. Accept that you've changed, and that adulthood is exactly like being a child: you have to find yourself and your place ALL OVER AGAIN, it sucked then, and it will suck now, but maybe this time it'll last longer.
If you don't know what to do, do nothing.
This is fucking impossible.
If you feel so strongly about something, that your veins pump it, and all you hear is that echo of your voice inside your head talking about it over and over and over and over...how do you do nothing?
How does your stomach not churn? How do you find pleasure in all the other things going on around you, if all you can focus on is this one thing?
I guess being an "adult" means you just are able to do it. Do nothing, that is. But, seriously? All I can do is throw a temper tantrum and revert back to being a dumb, over emotional, irrational, dramatic teenager.
I find that 25 is a lot like 15.
You become super insecure about your look, because you can't have jet black hair and hot pink pumps with some shitty dress you found at the Salvation Army on, that doesnt get you the professional high paying job you'd like. It also does not attract the investment banker, lawyer, or CEO you hope to attract to fuel your spending habbit someday. So, you wear the "right" and "appropriate" things, know the latest news to chat about, and you're so fucking misplaced and miserable! Which only leads to more insecurity, doubt (I mean jesus, what the hell are you doing with your life?), and you chose the only way out that you know of; go out and put your shitty used clothes on, grab a PBR at the dive bar where people your age are still listening to HATEBREED. You feel satisfied for the moment, even the week. You meet some cool new friends and decide you found your place again, your place in the past where hangovers are cool, and being thin because you're too hungover to eat is hot.
The only difference is, when you were 15...this DID actually make you cool.
Now, it just plain sucks.
So, should we do nothing? Or chose the other choice, the opposite of what we know, the most uncomfortable choice of all. Accept that you've changed, and that adulthood is exactly like being a child: you have to find yourself and your place ALL OVER AGAIN, it sucked then, and it will suck now, but maybe this time it'll last longer.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)