I can tell that we are gonna be friends

We’ve all been in love. Or thought we were in love. Lost love. Loved again. I understand it feels different every time, because no love you have for one person can be the same as the next, because everyone is so different. But, when you have lost, and you feel something different…something you’ve never felt before…how do you know if that does or doesn’t mean something more? What I’m getting at is, when your ex dumped you, you thought you’d never love again and it hurt more than anything. You couldn’t imagine yourself with anyone else, or ever letting someone get to know you. Having sex with someone else seemed like the most disgusting thought ever. As time went on though, you found those feelings even stronger for someone else, and that horrible time you could pretend never even happened. Right? So, next time, when someone dumps you, and you have those same feelings, but even stronger, how do you know you will be ok again? What if this person was the person you are meant to be with? Will you end up with them if you do not fight for it? What if they haven’t realized that this is the right thing? What if they are your soul mate but you aren’t theirs? What if the games people play of not contacting each other, avoiding everything, doesn’t work? What if they don’t realize what they lost and come running back? How much time to you wait? Hold on to that great big love. What if it really does feel different this time, what if it is so different this time? Then what the fuck happens?! No one has any comforting kind words for THAT. Makes no sense to me.

draft#1 suck it 25

The worst advice I've ever received:

If you don't know what to do, do nothing.

This is fucking impossible.

If you feel so strongly about something, that your veins pump it, and all you hear is that echo of your voice inside your head talking about it over and over and over and over...how do you do nothing?
How does your stomach not churn? How do you find pleasure in all the other things going on around you, if all you can focus on is this one thing?
I guess being an "adult" means you just are able to do it. Do nothing, that is. But, seriously? All I can do is throw a temper tantrum and revert back to being a dumb, over emotional, irrational, dramatic teenager.

I find that 25 is a lot like 15.
You become super insecure about your look, because you can't have jet black hair and hot pink pumps with some shitty dress you found at the Salvation Army on, that doesnt get you the professional high paying job you'd like. It also does not attract the investment banker, lawyer, or CEO you hope to attract to fuel your spending habbit someday. So, you wear the "right" and "appropriate" things, know the latest news to chat about, and you're so fucking misplaced and miserable! Which only leads to more insecurity, doubt (I mean jesus, what the hell are you doing with your life?), and you chose the only way out that you know of; go out and put your shitty used clothes on, grab a PBR at the dive bar where people your age are still listening to HATEBREED. You feel satisfied for the moment, even the week. You meet some cool new friends and decide you found your place again, your place in the past where hangovers are cool, and being thin because you're too hungover to eat is hot.

The only difference is, when you were 15...this DID actually make you cool.
Now, it just plain sucks.

So, should we do nothing? Or chose the other choice, the opposite of what we know, the most uncomfortable choice of all. Accept that you've changed, and that adulthood is exactly like being a child: you have to find yourself and your place ALL OVER AGAIN, it sucked then, and it will suck now, but maybe this time it'll last longer.

Atmosphere

Change your clothes, change your hair, change your diet, change your mind, change your wall color, change the channel. You cannot change the fact that you take yourself everywhere.

Our entire life consists of choices. We learn from the bad, and hope to make a better choice next time. They say only "crazy" people make the same choices and expect different results, but I think any one's capable of this.

In making my mind up to move away from everyone and thing I have known, to rewind and restart plans I had mad bad choices for in the past, I have realized that you can make the same decision (and it is a good one) and still get the same result. I was not expecting this. So who's crazy now?

If we take ourselves everywhere we go, how is anything any different?

In the past 3 months I have learned these things about myself:
1. Success is not measured on a piece of gold leaf imprinted paper; success is how you view yourself. Are you happy? Do you enjoy waking up each day and getting your tasks done? Are you enjoying your life as a whole? Can you support yourself? Are you healthy? Do you feel satisfied with what you have? Do you have goals? If so then you are a true success.
2. I do not feel these things right now.
3. Anything you want in life, you can usually buy. Or find a guy to buy it for you. The things that make you a success you can take with you; memories, feelings. Everything else is just stuff.
4. While there are people worse off than myself, all I have to go on are my own experiences. So if I feel pretty bad, then it is bad. It's the kind of bad only I know, and that's OK.
5. You are not a miserable person if you allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you are feeling. You are only miserable if you carry on for days. If you allow yourself to feel, the sooner you can swing back to reality.

Marginal Cost V.S. Marginal Benefit

We are learning in economics class the difference between marginal cost and benefit. Marginal cost is the price you pay (be it a dollar amount, or emotional price) to obtain a certain "good". The benefit is the satisfaction this item gives you. In order to figure this out you must weigh your options:
Can you afford this item?
Are you willing to pay the price?
Is sacrificing something for it going to be worth it?
It's an easy enough concept, but I'm not talking just a new pair of pumps here. If you really think about how we have to make these choices in real life...well, fuck, it gets hard.
I moved to Boston thinking that my benefit would 100% outweigh my cost. I'd be working more, in school full time, and miss seeing my closest sister-friends. However, I would be gaining an education, the chance to see my family all the time, the opportunity to meet new people, have more things to do, more options, even the shopping and food is better here.
I did not, however, take into consideration the other price I would pay.
Making a big change in life is wonderful, it is very rare we have a large support system to help us along with these choices. But what happens when you feel like this change has really CHANGED you? How do you learn to readjust to the new world you have created? What if it changes all the things that seemed constant and perfect? Can we then come full circle (as everything does in life) and find ourselves again? Maybe "full circle" only comes into play when things stay the same, and you ride them out; if we "change" the path...can this still happen for us?